After years of being misdiagnosed by my primary care physician and at the prompting of one of my mentors, Mastin Kipp, I decided to find a functional medicine practitioner. What is a functional medicine practitioner?
Functional medicine is a form of alternative medicine which proponents say focuses on interactions between the environment and the gastrointestinal, endocrine, and immune systems. Practitioners attempt to develop individual treatment plans for people they treat and focus on treating underlying issues before they become illnesses. In August of 2014 I woke up with a lump in my throat. What started as a minor annoyance slowly became a major issue. Along with having issues swallowing, I started experiencing rapid heartbeat, uncontrolled sweating, weight gain despite eating healthily and exercising, brain fog, and terrible, terrible anxiety about the former symptoms. By September I had experienced my first full blown panic attack that sent me to the emergency room. After an EKG, an endoscopy, and multiple other tests my primary care physician told me I was fine, prescribed me the anti-anxiety med Celexa and sent me home. Home to all the same symptoms I had before I came into the ER. Home to fear. Home to always living in the future state of "what if", never being able to be present and enjoy the moment. Nothing changed. My symptoms did not improve. Several more panic attacks (one on a plane to Charleston for a work trip) later I was back at the doctor explaining my symptoms had worsened, and again, he sent me home with a higher dosage of Celexa, a prescription for Xanax and a referral for a psychiatrist. A referral for a psychiatrist. Those words seared hot in my chest. "But I'm not crazy." Shock turned into shame and shame later turned into acceptance. I was so afraid I would have another debilitating panic attack and was so sick of feeling so unlike myself that I would have done anything. I remember my sister (who I respect and trust implicitly, is a very experienced NP, and has her own personal story of beating anxiety) telling me about the "wine test". If you have a glass of wine and your feelings of anxiety go away, it's psychosomatic. Meaning, it's in your head. The problem with that was that drinking made me feel better yes, but the next day I would wake up and my symptoms would be stronger than ever. What's more, I started to take the Xanax as my doctor had prescribed them -- as a prophylactic, to help prevent another panic attack. I would take them 15 minutes before boarding any plane (since I was deathly afraid of having another attack in public), before going into movie theaters, concerts, or any place in public where I couldn't escape quickly in the event my throat started closing up and my vision started narrowing. It got to the point where Xanax did help me, but I was taking it unnecessarily and not dealing with what was causing my symptoms of anxiety. It became an easy fix, and then slowly a crutch. Even still, I trusted the Western medicine process and felt confident that with the right dosages and the right medicine that I would start feeling better. So I ignored my intuition and swallowed the first of three years worth of pills. This brings us to present day where I am in the process of weening off my SSRI and am devoting all my resources and energy to living prescription-free. How did I get here? After I returned from a month in Bali spent writing my book, I took a look at a list of promises I made to myself while I was there: enroll in a restorative or kundalini yoga class, join a writing workshop program to finish my book, take a 20 minute walk every day, and see a functional medicine doctor to have a more comprehensive idea of my health. I Googled naturopaths in my area and found one whose website and mission statement resonated with me and gave her a call. I instantly felt comfortable and made an appointment to see her. What closed it for me at the end of her consultation on the phone is that she said this, "I can help you. We will reach your goals together." Instantly, I felt relief. Knowing that most naturopaths are not covered by insurance, I knew this would be an expensive endeavor, but after a month in Bali spent investing in myself, investing a little bit more into my holistic health care came naturally. $250 dollars later I was at LabCorp getting a comprehensive blood panel done. Four days after that I was sitting in my naturopath's office across from her seeing her point to the bottle of Celexa on the desk in front of me and say, "You won't need this anymore. I know what's wrong with you." "I know what's wrong with you." Scary words for most people, but I welcomed those words with elation. The fact that I had something "wrong" with me was not concerning. I intuitively knew something was off in my body and it wasn't my serotonin levels -- what was concerning is that I spent three years of my life feeling like I had no control over my body and feeling that I was mentally ill. Mental illness is ubiquitous nowadays, but it still carries a stigma, even though nearly 1 in 5 people suffer from mental illness every year in growing numbers (we need to change this stigma!) Because of this stigma I hid my symptoms from my everyone I knew, with the exception of a few close friends, and even hid the fact that I was taking medication for my anxiety from my boyfriend Paul, for most of the first year we were dating. I was diagnosed about six months into dating him and was afraid he would think differently of me. There was a time on our way back to the airport after a visit together, where my hands were shaking so badly that at every stoplight I would kiss him to distract him from the fact that I was nearly coming unhinged. After dropping him off, I had to pull over on the side of the road, tilt my seat back, and force myself to breathe. I told myself, "You are not passing out on the side of the the road, Megan." After that I feared every time I had to get into the car. The fear was automatic and it would send me further into fight or flight mode. It got so bad that a simple loud noise would jar me to the point of physically recoiling. Having a conversation with another person while the TV was on was almost impossible. I couldn't focus on a single thing -- my brain felt like it was covered in honey. I could feel Paul's growing annoyance with me every single time he would ask me a question and I would be so intensely inward trying to not to physically crack that I hadn't heard a single word he said. Meditation and breathing exercises did help me, along with the few things I knew about cognitive behavioral therapy. And finally, it became clear to me that I just needed to be honest with everyone about what was going on with me. I came clean to Paul and of course he understood completely and became one of my biggest supporters. My best friends obligingly took the wheel on road trips when I felt dizzy and shaky. My sister Kate would sit with me or talk to me on the phone during a panic attack, even when I was radio silent on the line, frozen with fear over if my next breath would come. She was my biggest comfort, knowing she had traveled her own depression and anxiety journey and come out medication-free and happy on the other side meant that I also had a chance at happiness again. I had support, but nearly everyone I told said the same thing, "But you seem so put together" or that it "seemed uncharacteristic". Now I know that even my friends' inklings were true. "You have Hashimoto's Disease." My doctor's words sunk in. And she said it with such certainty and authority that hearing it didn't scare me. It was motivating. I had clarity. I have Hashimoto's Disease. What does that even mean? Hashimoto's is an autoimmune condition where the body's immune system cells attack the thyroid gland as a foreign body and resulting inflammation and destruction of thyroid tissue reduces the thyroid's ability to make hormones. It is the leading cause of hypothroidism. Not only did I have Hashimoto's, but I was also reactive hypoglycemic. This is a rare for someone who does not have diabetes like me. It means that I start to have symptoms of hypoglycemia four hours after eating carbohydrates (fatigue, shakiness, heart palpitations, dizziness, headache, excess sweating, etc.) all of which mimic, you guessed it....ANXIETY. Turns out my stomach also lacks acid to help digest my food. That, along with the autoimmune component (food sensitivities) meant that my body was not getting the nutrients it needed from the food I was eating. My body was deficient in Vitamin C, D, B6 & B12 (both needed to help with metabolism and to produce essential substances like neurotransmitters and red blood cells), all of which you should be able to get if you have a good diet from food, but because my body was having trouble breaking down this food, I wasn't getting the benefits. My symptoms presented toward a thyroid condition for years, but because my TSH levels were within the normal range, my PCP did not provide me with that diagnosis. The blood work that my naturopath ordered was much more comprehensive showing me a complete view of my health so that my new doctor could properly diagnosis me. Since then I have happily incorporated a strict autoimmune protocol (AIP) and low glycemic diet into my life, along with taking supplements to nourish my body in the areas it was deficient. I immediately started to feel better, even two weeks into the diet change. I had more energy, woke up more easily, did not have the characteristic brain fog every afternoon, and my shakiness all but went away. In six weeks I will revisit my blood work and will narrow the scope of my autoimmune condition further with the most comprehensive IgG & IgE allergy test out there -- testing over 600 allergies and food sensitivities so I can heal my body's inflammation by naturally eliminating the foods or substances that cause that inflammation. It has become clearer to me than ever that food is fuel. When you put the wrong foods for YOUR body into your body, you simply cannot sustain optimal health. And the process of knowing what is good for YOUR body can be a complex and convoluted puzzle because everyone is so different. My doctor sat with me for 3.5 hours and explained why I had symptoms, why I wasn't diagnosed properly in the first place, and how we were going to get my body on the path of healing itself naturally. With food. With supplements. With a healthy lifestyle that incorporates daily movement and relaxation. And all of this will help me achieve optimal health -- optimal brain function, better digestion, weight loss, less aches and pains, more stamina and the energy to get shit done! (I have a bucket-list a mile long that is just waiting for me to start crossing things off) If you take one thing away from reading this post I hope it is this -- I trusted my intuition and started listening to my body. As soon as I tuned into that piece of me that KNEW something wasn't right, that doubted my original diagnosis -- I couldn't turn it off. It made me more aware that we are the masters of our own destiny and that we must be int he driver's seat when it comes to our own well-being. So that's my story. That's why instead of just Write. Paint. Blog. this website became Write. Paint. Cook. I discovered that eating can truly be as mindful of an experience for me as writing or creating art. And that is as important to me as anything. A Sante!
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